Just keep breathing

Unless you live under a rock, you know about a little blue tang fish named Dory and her famous saying, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming, swimming."  As I found myself approaching hysterical panic the other day, I starting repeating my own version of Dory's little ditty, "just keep breathing, just keep breathing, breathing, breathing."  Parenting, marriage, homeschooling, life, is hard enough as it is.  But add a dash of holiday crazy, and this momma might go a little crazy!

There is the house to clean, food to cook, kids to motivate to help (many times unwillingly), activities to get ready for, arguments to break up, things to buy (cue hyperventilating).  Plus maintaining our home, feeding the masses (aka. my family) so that they don't become an unruly mob.  Laundry (it breeds!), dishes, why so many dishes?!?  On top of making the time to truly connect with my husband, disciple our children, and maybe, just maybe, shower (gasp!).

If you find me in a corner rocking and crying, just throw me some chocolate please.

But God
Just keep breathing.  Trust in the Lord.  I know it's hard when, at times like this especially, all you can see is your to-dos.  When everyone seems to want a piece of you.  But God.  Take it one step at a time.  Make a list of everything you want to get done, that way it's not stuck inside your head, spinning like a top.  Remember that you can only do so much, ask for help.  Lower your standards if that's what you need; if something nonessential is making you a little batty, chances are it's nonessential!  Give yourself some Grace!!  Look into the eyes of the ones you love and remember why you're doing this.  And more than anything, remember whose you are and Who you are doing this for.  You are a child of the Most High God and a gift to His Son Jesus, who will never ever let you go.  Beloved, He loves you, just breath.

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.
Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful."  John 14:27 NASB

If you feel led, leave a comment and let us know what helps you and yours get through the crazy of the holidays!

I just spent five dollars on Pokeballs

First can I just say that I never in my life thought I would spend $5 on an in-app purchase?  Never in a million years.  As a matter of fact I have zealously teased my husband when he buys more lives in his Candy Crush game.  But... I just spent five dollars on Pokeballs.

Parenting is hard, we all know that.  It's this delicate balance between feeling the need to bend willful creatures with more energy than you to your will, and giving them grace because they are just kids.  It's the never knowing if you're doing the right thing.  Let me share with you for a moment where I'm at.  My oldest will be 13 in four months, 13 ya'll, I'm not ready to be a mom of a teenager!  My second oldest will be 10 two days after that (followed two days after that with my little mimi turning 4 and almost a month to the day after that my baby will be 2, bizarre I know).  And everything I have heard about boys being easier is so, so, so true.  I love my big baby girl so very much; she is my rainbow baby.  She truly has a heart of gold and has real love for other people, compassion is great with this one.  She is also my most trying child.  My oldest, I get him, we understand each other.  He is me only with testosterone.  Her? not so much.  The Lord is definitely using her to refine me!

So what does that look like, the refining?  It looks like spending five dollars on Pokeballs.  I am learning to let go of my pride, what I think is right, and learning a new way.  It looks like laying bare the soul to other human beings and (gasp!) actually admitting how hard things have been.  It looks like praying for a soft heart, a tender heart, even if it hurts.  And it will, because when you pray that prayer, God answers, and life hurts.  But the peace of God that passes all understanding will guard you; it will give you the still peace in the eye of the storm.  It will allow you to see past the hurt to see the tender shoot underneath.  The tender shoot of that child's heart, the woman's heart beside you, the heart of a man doing his very best.

Have a blessed day ya'll; love the ones placed in your life with a sacrificial love that releases pride.

Reflecting on Him

Hi there

I know I haven't posted in a while, but my ideal for this blog is for it to be a source of encouragement, comfort, and perhaps a little sarcasm (smile).  Since I've been a maudlin lately, I didn't want to whine about my first-world problems; so began the radio silence.  I have been brought to a place of introspection; which is usually preceded by the word 'quiet,' but there may have been some kicking and screaming involved...

What have I learned?  Grief is not just for when a person dies; it's also for relationships, former lives, and wasted time.  

Hug your babies; scoop them up and don't let them go so that someday they'll take joy in your relationship.  In developmental psych we learned the concept of 'firmly attached babies' that are secure enough in their relationship to their parent, that they feel free to be independent, and yet still come back.  Yes, that, do that with your kids.

Laugh; take the time to laugh.

I've also learned to not be so busy that you can't take the time to check out your husband's ass.  Yeah, I said it.  Look at it, remember what attracted you to your husband.  I'm not talking about all those nice, sweet things good Christian girls talk about, his personality, how funny he is, what a sweetheart he can be.  I'm talking about what physically attracted you to your man, because he is a man and he'll like it, I promise.

I've also learned that sometimes we may never know the answer to the age old question of 'why?' 

 The book of Job is often lauded as an example of a man who didn't question God; he kept the faith.   In the 9th chapter, Job laments, "Though I say, 'I will forget my complaint, I will leave off my sad countenance and be cheerful.'  I am afraid of all my pains, I know that You will not acquit me.  I am accounted wicked, Why then should I toil in vain?"  (v.27-29 NASB).  Now I'm not a Bible scholar, but it sure seems like Job is questioning God here; he's also a bit despair-y, a bit maudlin.  Job seems to be asking a question that I've been asking more than I should lately, "why God, what's the point?" What is the point?  Jesus.  Jesus is the point.  

Earlier in Job 9, he says, "but how can a man be in the right before God?" (v.2).  Jesus, the Lamb of God, whose blood was shed that we could be made right with God.  Jesus, who came to give us to ultimate example of a life lived for God.  Jesus, who knew we would fall, and loved on us anyway.

"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
Romans 5:8

To begin again

Like a newly walking baby, so goes our walk in Christ.
Sometimes we run to Our Father; sometimes we fall
and wait for Him to pick us up.

I won't lie folks, it's been a rough couple of weeks.  Last time I wrote I was frustrated with my plans changing, and I had great plans ya'll; they were the stuff of legend.  But they changed, they're still changing; I have to let God pick me up, and I fell hard.  I won't go into details, but think weeping in the bathroom intermittently coughing so hard I gagged, snot going everywhere, hard.  But sometimes, sometimes that's where Our Father has to lets us be so that we know our great need for Him.  Sometimes we have to look up and see our own pride in pushing forward, trying to get it all done, the boxes checked, in order that we can repent and let Him lift us from the miry clay.

In Exodus 33, God promises His people that He will go with them and He will give them rest.  Rest...  Rest beloved.  In the NASB, the word 'rest' is found 292 times, according to blueletterbible.org.  Think about that for a moment.  We, as a society, are so busy doing our works, some are even very good works, that we lose sight of the fact that resting was so important to God, that the word can be found 292 times.  Heck, it's even one of the Ten Commandments.  Why do we lose sight of that?

I am also convinced that it's not just physical rest God wants us to take, but spiritual.  Jesus said in Matthew 11:29, "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."  Rest for our souls...  To be gentle and humble in heart...

Can you imagine how much less you would hurt another human being, one of God's creatures, one of your children, yourself, if we were gentle, humble in heart?  I cannot tell you how many times I have hurt one of my children's hearts' simply because I was in a hurry; I just wanted to get something done.  Or I didn't feel well, or I was tired, or..or..or... you get the idea.  To be gentle, to rest in Him.  To know that He will gives us peace beyond understanding (Philippians 4:7).  To begin again.  To stop pushing forward when everything is saying stop, when He is saying stop.  We have an enemy ya'll, an enemy that will keep us so worked up we can't hear the soft still voice of Our Father.  An enemy that doesn't want you to hear the soft, still voice of the Father.  Our enemy knows that if he can separate us from God's voice, if he can make us feel alone, we will give in to the temptation to despair.  Now mind, I'm not talking about sadness, or even depression, but despair.  Despair says there's no hope, no point, and you actually start to believe it.  

Join me in resting in Him.  Join me in learning to be gentle and humble in heart; pride tells you you're not doing enough, humility says it doesn't matter.  Join me to begin again, to let Your Father pick you up.  When I was younger I thought I made God unhappy when He had to pick me up, again (and again).  But now I know He is smiling.  He's so happy to have me home, to have you home; He is the Good Shepherd gone after the 1 lost sheep.  Oh what a celebration there is in Heaven when the lost sheep comes home.

When plans change

I like plans.  They don't need to be specific plans, just a general 'hey, around this time, this is going to happen.'  Incidentally my children thrive on specific plans so that has been a struggle for me, but that's a post for another time.  Also incidentally, I think my husband rebels against all plans when he's at home, because his work outside of the home requires a lot of planning; but I love him anyway ;)

Anywho...plans.  My plans have seemed to be changing a lot lately and I don't like it.  It feels as though God, who is far wiser than I am, has decided to tweak me.  I don't like that either.  It's annoying, it's frustrating, it hurts my flesh, my pride, my sense of control.  Why does my Lord, in his infinite wisdom feel the need to change my plans on such a consistent basis?
"For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives."  Hebrews 12:6 NASB
"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials..." James 1:2

I don't know about you, but that's not very encouraging.  We as believers like to gloss over the hard stuff, but the Bible is full of hard stuff.  It's also full of the love story God has for us, but a lot of hard stuff too.  I don't know why life can't just happen the way I plan more often; heck, I'd be happy with 60% of the time, but that's just life.  Perhaps I'm being "driven and tossed by the wind" (James 1:6) but...I don't know.

Maybe I'm just being ungrateful.  Yes, finances are tight, but we have a regular paycheck.  Yes, my kids make me crazy sometimes, but consider the picture of the the little boy from Syria in the back of the ambulance.  Yes, there's a lot of housework that hasn't got done, but we have a home to live in.

I don't know, I guess I'm just whining.  I'm frustrated because all the things I wanted done this summer didn't happen and it's time for school to start again.  School was supposed to start today as a matter of fact, but we all got really sick these past few days and I can still hear my pulse in my ears.  I'll leave you with this:  "Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him."  James 1:12

The moon over the water at sunset

Why we need to be filled with the Spirit of God

One of the old hymns sings to Our Father, "I need thee every hour, every hour I need thee" and oh how true that is.  As a believer, it is easy to fall into the trap of only seeking God in the moment you need Him; but what about the moments a need isn't immediately in front of you?  I don't know about you, but my record of seeking the Lord on a regular basis is spotty at best and how I react to stress certainly shows it.

On a bad day life can come at me from every angle; waking up to someone having an accident in bed, a baby that wants to eat now, and the dishes I was too tired to do at 9 o'clock the night before.  Throw in a moody (almost)teen who wants to argue, first thing in the morning, about whether or not he should be able to play video games all day or how he needs a smart phone because some of his friends do, and a moody threenager who needs you to wipe her butt, and the day certainly starts with a bang.

Now I'm sure there are practical things that can be done to help with this mess, getting over the being tired and making sure I wake up to a clean kitchen, or simply making sure I'm up before the kids so it's not coming at me the moment my feet hit the floor.  But if I'm not taking time to be with the Lord, none of the practical stuff matters.

The perfect example of this is my nine-year-old's desire to embroider a pillowcase.  I'm constantly encouraging (sometimes forcefully) my kids to find things to do that are not screens, so when we were at Hobby Lobby getting stuff for the upcoming school year, she asked if I would get her some iron-on patterns and embroidery floss so she could.  Of course I said yes and the game was on.  Now anyone who knows my daughter knows that she has one of the most beautiful, generous hearts you could ever want in a friend, but patient she is not.  Once we got everything ready, she started her project.  It didn't take long before a stitch didn't happen the way she planned and all the marbles were thrown from the basket.  Now, on a bad day, I would have lost my marbles as well and we would have ended up angry with each other.  But on this day, the Spirit of the Lord was upon me and I was able to talk her down.  The marbles became projectiles a few more times before she finally said (not me, her) "I think I need a break because I'm getting too upset."  The reason this is a cause of celebration for me is because this is my child that will insist on continuing in whatever endeavor she's working on, even when things obviously aren't working.  So for her to put it away by herself is a big deal, momentous even.

I won't lie, when it was all said and done I was spent!  There was an actual feeling of depletion in my chest.  I should have taken a moment to 'recharge' and spent more time with God, but....  The day ended with a mom's night out so it all worked out ;)

I do want to say, I am by no means saying that God is some kind of genie able to conjure patience and a good temper at will.  And there are certainly days where I do have my quiet time and the day comes crashing around my ears.  But to fill the cups of our children, our husbands, our friends, we must first be filled with the Holy Spirit ourselves.

"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me

and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me

you can do nothing...

These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you,

and that your joy may be made full."

John 15:5, 11 NASB

My joy

In the book of Habakkuk, the prophet asks God many of the same questions we ask Him.  Why?  "Why do You make me see iniquity?  Why are You silent?  Why do You look with favor on those who deal treacherously?  I cry out to You, Violence!  Yet You do not save."  (chapter 1).  Why Lord?  Habakkuk demands an answer of God during a time of rampant immorality in the nation of Judah.  And in the second and third chapters, God answers.

My 3-year-old wanted to help take the picture :)

He reveals a small part of His redemptive plan for His people and isn't that the way with God?  Through all the heartache and hard times, God is still there.  God will deliver us; He will deliver you.  I not only know because the Bible tells me so, but because I have been blessed through trials and tribulations to sit here and tell you that His Word is true.

There was a time in my life when I was pregnant and alone, throwing up in the back of a moving Greyhound bus.  I even left that little baby with neighbors I barely knew so I could go buy some pot.  I don't think you get much lower than that. I didn't know then how God could possible still love, still want to be my God.  But God, God redeems.

Beloved, it is okay to ask God why, it's okay to rail and shake your fist.  It's even okay to make bad choices because of the unbearable hurt you feel inside; the hurt that makes you empty.  Just come back to God.  Take your questions to God.  Beloved, allow yourself to be hurt, allow yourself to be depressed but take it to God; He will see you through.  He has a redemptive plan for you, for your family.  He will deliver you.  We all know Jeremiah 29:11, but what about the verses after that?  They tell us to call upon Him, to pray, to search for Him.

"'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon Me and come pray to Me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.  'I will be found by you,' declares the Lord, 'and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you.' declares the Lord, 'and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.'"  Jeremiah 29:11-14 NASB

God will deliver you, even when there is no end in sight.  Rest in Him beloved.  Take your questions to Him.  Take your anger and your sadness to the One strong enough to handle it.  Let Him love you.  Habakkuk ends the book that he began by questioning God and His goodness, by praising Him:

"Yet I will exult in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation, The Lord God is my strength, and He has made my feet like hinds' feet, and makes me walk on my high places."  

Habakkuk 3:18-19 NASB 

So...contentment and entitlement

Yesterday at church the message Pastor gave was about avoiding entitlement and it hit home for me, literally.  Now, I don't walk around expecting things to be handed to me and one of the bests things my parents taught me was the value of a hard day's work.  But....what about expecting that hard day's work to give you the things you feel you deserve?

What about doing and saying all the right things and throwing an adult version of a hissy-fit because things don't work out the way you want?  And what about being willing to work but not the work that's been put in front of you?  Not that we would admit it of course.

Our toddler can destroy our home in 3.7 seconds flat

This, this is my apartment's living room/dining room.  It's small, it has fire ants, it has mold, heck, I think it needs to be completely gutted and fumigated.  I don't like it.  You feelin' me?

My flesh wants to barely sustain the home atmosphere here and wait for the day when we have a house, then I'll work at making home.  My flesh wants to sit around in the 108 heat index and complain about how the a/c in this apartment makes it too hard to get any work done.  My flesh, my flesh, me, me, me.

But sitting in that seat yesterday I felt God once again telling me what He's been telling me for a while now.  Make a home in the place that I, the Almighty God, the One you say you serve, have put you.  Be content in where I have put you.  Have you any right to be angry with the things I have given you?  My ways are not your ways; work where I have put you child.

Sigh...my flesh doesn't want to listen.  My flesh wants to rebel.  Thank God I serve a God that is bigger and more powerful than my flesh.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

A haiku

Bag on couch, ready

Hands full, here's your bag mommy

Sigh... thank you sweetheart

I broke my daughter's heart today

The title says it all: I broke my daughter's heart today.  I have no excuses

My older two kiddos were awarded scholarships to theater camp this week, at the community theater in the city close to us.  Today one of her teachers has a birthday and my 9-year-old, the Scientist as I started calling her on this blog many moons ago, wanted to make her a birthday card.  She folded a piece of computer paper in half and wrote 'happy birthday ___.'  On the inside she wrote who it was from, and then she was done.

She was so excited to show it to me as we got ready to leave this morning, and when she did I barely looked at it and said "all you did was write happy birthday on a piece of paper?"  Her face....her face...  I ripped her heart out ya'll.  I heart her as no other person could.  I am her mama, I should have praised her generous spirit thinking of someone else; instead I judged her work as not good enough and I hurt my baby.  This is a child that thrives on approval and I cruelly derided her effort.  Why???  Why did I do that???  I am so sorry baby, I am so sorry.

Paul writes somewhere in the new testament that he does what he hates, that which he does not want to do.  I think I can empathize.

I share this with you all to say, I don't know quite honestly.  Maybe to bring my sin to light so I can heal?  Either way, I have a daughter to repent to and a relationship to nourish.

My silly, amazing, beautiful girl

You, yes you, you need to hear this

One of my favorite words in the Bible is "beloved."  In the NASB it appears 109 times in 101 different verses.  It gives me a feeling of peace, of belonging, of being known.

"Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be.  We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is."  1John 3:2

Not only will we see Him just as He is, but He sees us, you and me, right now.  And no matter who you are, where you've been, what you've done, He loves you so much; His heart aches for you beloved.

In the Holy Week leading up to His crucifiction, Jesus healed a woman who had been ill for 18 years because of a spirit of sickness.  She was bent over and, I would imagine, in pain.  When a synagogue official became upset because Jesus dared to heal on the Sabbath, I mean the nerve!  Jesus confronted the crowd and He called them out for their hypocrsy.  Then after that, after reminding them of their guilt, He said, "O Jerusalem Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those sent to her!  How often I wanted to gather your children together, just as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not have it!" Luke 13:34

He wanted to love them!  But they wouldn't have it.  Beloved, let Him love you.  I know that's harder than it sounds, beloved I know.  I have been angry; I have been lost; I have been alone.  I have crawled into my mental hole where no one could hurt me anymore.  I have wallowed in my own self-pity.

But oh my beloved, I have been loved; I have been forgiven; I have been redeemed.  No matter your story, no matter your bad choices, He wants to gather you you under His wings.  He wants to love you.  Please let Him.  Please let Him heal your hurts, bind your wounds.  Let Him into your hole so He can hold you until you're ready to come out.

Every cloud has a light ready to burst forth

I know it's hard.  I know how life interuppts all your good intentions.  I mean my word, all was quiet when I began to write this, however, I've been correcting children the. entire. time.  But belove, for God so loved the world, He gave us His Son.  Let Him love you, even if it's been 18 years.

Upside down thistles

So I had a post all lined out in my head about how horrible yesterday was and how God will be glorified in the horrible days and how being a mom in the midst of the mundane everyday is hard work.

Then I did the Bible study homework for a great group of women I meet with once a month and it was on pride.  Yep

It puts thing in perspective to read that, not only exalting yourself in the good is pride, but holding onto the bad is also pride.  How do you write about that?  How to say, yesterday, quite frankly, sucked but God's going to make it all better.  My spirit is still weary and if I hear one more time that God never said it was going to be easy, just that He would be there, I might scream.  I kid you not.

Upside down milk thistle, because I edited it on my computer to flip it, but it uploaded in it's original form.
Isn't that kinda the theme here? :-)

Sometimes I wish God didn't want to grow my character quite so much.

I love the Lord my God with all my heart, but sometimes I get angry with Him.  Can't it just be easy for a little while?  Instead of teaching me contentment, can't I just be content?  Why do I have to train and correct my children every. single. day.  I did all I'm "supposed" to do, why do things keep happening???

But beloved, that is pride.  I wish I had more answers than that, but I don't.  And even when I know the answers, God gave us a whole book of them, I don't want to hear it.  That too, is pride.

God gives grace to the humble, to the contrite, so, for now, I will hold onto that.  God works all things for good for those who love Him.

Who is this guy and who does He think He is?

Otherwise know as, gee thanks Jesus, I needed conviction for breakfast this morning.

This morning I read the story of the blind man in John 9; the one where, on the Sabbath, Jesus made mud with his spit and slapped on the guy's face, then told him to go wash it off.  (Kinda gives new meaning to, eh, throw some dirt on it, you'll be fine).  After this happens, the man's neighbors go and turn him into the Pharisees (thanks ya'll, I mean really...).  And of course the Pharisees want to know what happened, they drag the guys parents in to verify that their child was, in fact, blind at birth.  The parents answer yes, but they're so afraid of being kicked out of the synagogue they kind of throw their hands up and say, 'hey don't question us, ask our son, he's old enough to speak for himself.'

Don't we still do that to this day?  Believers, all of us, have at one point or another said, 'not me, not me, ask this person, they know!'  Think about it, we (myself very much included) are so afraid of rocking the boat sometimes that we miss out on the fact that Jesus just opened the eyes of our son, metaphorically speaking.

 Right now in our home we are fixing to begin planning for our new homeschool year and trying to decide whether or not to go in a new direction as far as our curriculum.  It's different from the mainly traditional stuff we have been doing, but it could be great.  It has the potential to force us out of our box.  I know this is probably insignificant in the grand scheme of things but it could be great. 

But it's different, in the same way Jesus is different.  And when the parents were paralyzed with fear, the son that had been blind answered the Pharisees, "Whether He is a sinner, I do not know; one thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see." (John 9:25)  Then, after he was booted out of the synagogue, Jesus found him, don't miss that-Jesus found him, and asked if he believed in the Son of Man.  The blind man, that could now see said "Lord, I believe.' And he worshipped Him." v.35

Lord, I believe

Don't use your brother's brush to clean the bathtub

Being a parent is hard!!  I find myself saying things I never in my life thought I would say.  Things like, "No, you may not use your baby brother as a football."

"Quit licking the wall; quit licking your sister; quit licking the dog; quit licking the playground; quit licking me; FOR THE LOVE OF ALL QUIT LICKING YOUR SISTER!"  You get the picture...  Or things like, "don't call your sister shake a booty."
"Quit rolling your little brother and sister into burritos.  No they don't like it; that's why they're crying."
"Pull your pants up, no one wants to see your butt."
"Don't wipe your boogers on my face, your sister's face, your brother's face, et cetera."  I mean really?  In what social situation is it okay to wipe boogers on someone?!

I never in my wildest dreams thought I would have to have a serious conversation, with a child approaching 10, about why it is not appropriate to try to breastfeed.  Maybe bottle feeding gave her issues, who knows?  Or to watch that same child push their sister, sees you watch them push their sister, and still denies pushing their sister.

Also, the number of times I have to repeat myself is astounding,
"take out the trash."
"What?"
"Take out the trash."
"What?"
Grrrr....."TAKE OUT the trash!"
"Geez, I don't understand why you are so upset Mom; I'm taking out the trash."

My favorite is when they say, "I heard you the first time."  You know, after the third or fourth time.

See that face?  Yeah he's adorable, even when I barely made it to the bathroom in time to stop him from throwing a dictionary in the toilet.  He's also adorable when he's ripping out handfuls of his sister's hair, or when he's stomping his feet, screeching, because I won't let him stick forks in the dog's eye.  How on earth did this child even get a fork???

Don't get me wrong, I would not change one second of this life we have been called to.  But ya'll, it's hard.  There is probably a spiritual lesson to be learned in all of this; I mean, God has probably told us to quit licking things a time or two and we just didn't listen.  But right now?  Right now I'm not trying to hear all that; I just want a minute to breathe!  These kids are amazing and wonderful and so, so funny!!  But I'm exhausted!  

Until next time, don't use your brother's brush to clean the bathtub.

And Yet

In the Old Testament there are numerous examples of various nations (think Philistine, Ammorites, Moabites, etc.) that are confronted with the God of the Israelites, and become fearful.

See, word travels fast when you're hanging with the Guy that parts seas and sends plagues.  And yet, did they ever stop and think, hmm, maybe we're serving the wrong gods?  Even when they honored the God of the Israelites, they never forsook their own gods to follow Him.  King Darius even made a decree in Daniel chapter 6 that "all the dominion of my kingdom men are to fear and tremble before the God of Daniel; For He is the living God and enduring forever, And His kingdom is one which will not be destroyed, And His dominion will be forever." (v.26).  History tells us that the Median never brought the Hebrew faith to the world when they took over the Babylonian empire, why not?  The ancient peoples of the Middle East had seen God do great and wondrous things for His people; even when God took the hedge of protection away and let His people fail, there were still wondrous things going on that couldn't be denied.  And yet they still chose to follow idols.

Even in today's modern age, Christians bear witness the the Good News of the resurrection of Christ, and yet....  And yet, two words that can mean the difference between life and death.  I believe, and yet I follow the gods of this world when I choose the easy path.  When I choose to force my will because it's faster, more efficient.  And yet, God still calls.  And yet, God still loves.  And yet, God still lives.

Redemption is a beautiful thing.  Oh but for the grace of God, the Holy One of Israel.  One of the verses from the well known "Roman road to salvation" is Romans 6:23, "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."  You see beloved, God knows how messed up we are; He knows that we often fail and chase idols; and yet He loves us anyway.  The Creator God created you, created me, and He wants you back.  He just wants to love you.  My prayer is that you know that, and that you know Truth.

A New Ramble After a Long Absence

Hello, how have you been?  I hope you have been blessed.  In the three years since I last made a blog post (yikes!), Love bug became a full-blown toddler, and God added another busy little man to our family!  A blog post from three years ago came up in my Facebook memories, and as I read them I wondered, why did I stop when I just started?  I don't really have a reason really, but I do have a convoluted ramble.  When I was about 14 I remember hearing that a boy I liked though I was a really boring person.  Now, for context, I probably was to him because I am generally fairly quiet and reserved in person-I'm better on paper ;)

Fast forward to the adult me and there is still a great deal of trepidation when I encounter new people, new being people I haven't know for more than two years or so!  There is also a great deal of, who would want to read anything I wrote?  Now I say this not wanting to be full of self-pity, but to say to someone out there that, God loves you.  He chose you.  And even when you feel your most unlovable, even maybe downright despicable, He will never stop loving you. Growth is discovering who God made you to be, and being content in that.  Faith, in this area anyway, is trusting that God has a tribe out there just for you and He will provide.  In my reading this morning I came across this verse: "I, Paul, write this greeting with my own hand, and this is a distinguishing mark in every letter; this is the way I write."  2 Thessalonians 3:17

This is the way God created you to be, rejoice in love He has for you.  He is the light in the darkness, and even when you're own your knees in the pit of despair, He is with you.  He sees you and He's not angry or disappointed, He just wants to hold you.  The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.