I just spent five dollars on Pokeballs

First can I just say that I never in my life thought I would spend $5 on an in-app purchase?  Never in a million years.  As a matter of fact I have zealously teased my husband when he buys more lives in his Candy Crush game.  But... I just spent five dollars on Pokeballs.

Parenting is hard, we all know that.  It's this delicate balance between feeling the need to bend willful creatures with more energy than you to your will, and giving them grace because they are just kids.  It's the never knowing if you're doing the right thing.  Let me share with you for a moment where I'm at.  My oldest will be 13 in four months, 13 ya'll, I'm not ready to be a mom of a teenager!  My second oldest will be 10 two days after that (followed two days after that with my little mimi turning 4 and almost a month to the day after that my baby will be 2, bizarre I know).  And everything I have heard about boys being easier is so, so, so true.  I love my big baby girl so very much; she is my rainbow baby.  She truly has a heart of gold and has real love for other people, compassion is great with this one.  She is also my most trying child.  My oldest, I get him, we understand each other.  He is me only with testosterone.  Her? not so much.  The Lord is definitely using her to refine me!

So what does that look like, the refining?  It looks like spending five dollars on Pokeballs.  I am learning to let go of my pride, what I think is right, and learning a new way.  It looks like laying bare the soul to other human beings and (gasp!) actually admitting how hard things have been.  It looks like praying for a soft heart, a tender heart, even if it hurts.  And it will, because when you pray that prayer, God answers, and life hurts.  But the peace of God that passes all understanding will guard you; it will give you the still peace in the eye of the storm.  It will allow you to see past the hurt to see the tender shoot underneath.  The tender shoot of that child's heart, the woman's heart beside you, the heart of a man doing his very best.

Have a blessed day ya'll; love the ones placed in your life with a sacrificial love that releases pride.

Reflecting on Him

Hi there

I know I haven't posted in a while, but my ideal for this blog is for it to be a source of encouragement, comfort, and perhaps a little sarcasm (smile).  Since I've been a maudlin lately, I didn't want to whine about my first-world problems; so began the radio silence.  I have been brought to a place of introspection; which is usually preceded by the word 'quiet,' but there may have been some kicking and screaming involved...

What have I learned?  Grief is not just for when a person dies; it's also for relationships, former lives, and wasted time.  

Hug your babies; scoop them up and don't let them go so that someday they'll take joy in your relationship.  In developmental psych we learned the concept of 'firmly attached babies' that are secure enough in their relationship to their parent, that they feel free to be independent, and yet still come back.  Yes, that, do that with your kids.

Laugh; take the time to laugh.

I've also learned to not be so busy that you can't take the time to check out your husband's ass.  Yeah, I said it.  Look at it, remember what attracted you to your husband.  I'm not talking about all those nice, sweet things good Christian girls talk about, his personality, how funny he is, what a sweetheart he can be.  I'm talking about what physically attracted you to your man, because he is a man and he'll like it, I promise.

I've also learned that sometimes we may never know the answer to the age old question of 'why?' 

 The book of Job is often lauded as an example of a man who didn't question God; he kept the faith.   In the 9th chapter, Job laments, "Though I say, 'I will forget my complaint, I will leave off my sad countenance and be cheerful.'  I am afraid of all my pains, I know that You will not acquit me.  I am accounted wicked, Why then should I toil in vain?"  (v.27-29 NASB).  Now I'm not a Bible scholar, but it sure seems like Job is questioning God here; he's also a bit despair-y, a bit maudlin.  Job seems to be asking a question that I've been asking more than I should lately, "why God, what's the point?" What is the point?  Jesus.  Jesus is the point.  

Earlier in Job 9, he says, "but how can a man be in the right before God?" (v.2).  Jesus, the Lamb of God, whose blood was shed that we could be made right with God.  Jesus, who came to give us to ultimate example of a life lived for God.  Jesus, who knew we would fall, and loved on us anyway.

"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
Romans 5:8