On Loss

Recently someone close to me suffered a terrible loss.  Even though I didn't need to, they would have been none the wiser, I decided to talk to Sturart and The Scientist about it.  I wanted them to know that sometimes bad things happen, things that will make us ask why.  Why God?  Why did something looked on with such joyful expectancy turn so tragic?  Why, when we trust in You, does life get robbed from us?

Eleven years ago I was in a bad spot spiritually.  I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior in 1999 and life was good.  Life was good until I got lonely.  Now there were other things at play, but that's the long and short of it.  In 2002 and I was a girl very much conflicted, dropped out of college, found the wrong people to hang out with, et cetera et cetera.  Then my Mom died.  I was already having faith issues and that kind of sent me in a tail spin.  Needless to say, I did not react well; became obsessed with some guy, followed him to Californian and got pregnant.  Pretty much I was pretty screwed up in my head for a bit but God used that itty bitty little baby to begin to bring me back.

Fast forward a couple years and I was living with my boyfriend and my little boy.  That man said he wanted to marry me and be my son's father.  I said yes but I was still a little...screwy.  Instead of doing things the right way, we decided to have a baby (isn't that usually when things go wrong, when 'we' decide and don't let God's will be done?).  We were married when I was seven months pregnant with our forever angel Abby.  When I went into labor we thought everything was normal and joyfully went to the hospital, then there was no heartbeat.  When she died I didn't ask God why, I blamed myself.  I thought my screwed up spiritual life and my sin left the door open for the devil to steal my baby.  By the Grace of God, instead of running away in shame and fear, I ran to the Father and begged Him to take me in His arms and make everything thing okay.  Within two months I was pregnant with The Scientist and life was good again.

In October 2010 dh lost his baby brother in a car accident, he was 28 years old-still a young man.  I have never seen my husband that broken up and my dearest hope is that I won't ever see it again.  I only knew him well enough to know he was a good guy, but the great injustice, in my mind, was that he had all this junk in his life going on that he never got a chance to resolve.  Dh didn't tell me until later the full extent of what our daughter and his brother's death did to his spirit.  The anger and confusion he felt.  A life suddenly ended.

So there will be times in our life when we question God, His plan, His goodness.  And that's okay, He wants us to bring these questions to Him.  There is a thief in this world that comes to steal, kill, and destroy.  Sometimes we don't understand when life doesn't happen the way we think it should, and we never will.  But our hope comes from the Lord and He will comfort us in our time of need, we just need to call His name.

"God blesses those who mourn,

for they will be comforted"  Matthew 5:4

"I will turn their mourning into joy

I will comfort them and exchange their sorrow for rejoicing" Jeremiah 31:13b